Now I feel foolish...

I had a conversation today that brought a misunderstanding out into the open. Now I feel foolish for thinking something different then what was intended. Sometimes I feel like I mess. Whenever I say that line, "sometimes I feel like a..." always makes me think of the commercial for Almond Joy or Mounds. I believe they would say, "Sometimes I feel like a nut. Sometimes I don't." Or something like that. I guess I could say the same thing about myself, sometimes I feel like a nut (like right now) and sometimes I don't.

Today was a pretty good day (other than the misunderstanding, which happened late enough that I'm trying to feel better about it). Work was super busy, which I LOVE! My time at Starbucks with God was fun. I decided to start reading 1 Samuel and read through to about Esther or something. I'm pretty sure I've read Job before so don't feel any need to duplicate. I'm excited about spending some time in the OT. I've spent most of my Christian study time in the NT and am ready to jump over the proverbial fence.

While at Starbucks I ran into my old manager (from when I worked there). He always treated me really well! We visited for a few minutes and he mentioned that if I'm ever interested in a part-time job (not replacing my current work), to come see him. That idea always intrigues me. But the idea of giving up valuable weekend free time for extra work hasn't quite enticed me, yet. I would be doing it more for having something else to do (free coffee, and an employee discount). And in all honesty, I never have any trouble coming up with something to do.

That lead me to think about my current state, restless. It's hereditary, at least that's what I like to claim. I should have seen it coming, deciding to take a trip to Europe, dreaming about the change of seasons and the inevitable change of activities, the mere peak of the sun-brightened-sky bringing a smile to my face, the itch in my gut to try to do something "more" and the constant search to determine what that "more" might be. The feelings make me feel crazy... or like a nut. When asked tonight why I believe in God, one answer seemed to dominate: that's where I feel okay with myself. It's like the one place where I don't feel like a nut. The rest of the time my emotions, female hormones, brain waves, ideas, desires, seem to be going off the scale crazy! But I have yet to figure out how to keep the centered feeling of my best God-time with me all the time. Some might say I must be doing something wrong. But I think I'm not and the craving is what keeps us going back.