My last...

Okay, I have time for one more post before I'm off to get married.

I made it through Monday and Tuesday and now it's on to Wednesday! Things start happening on Wednesday - 2 of my best friends fly into town, my parents, brother and sister arrive, I move out of Barb's to my cousin's place for the rest of the week, and probably other things, but I can't think of them right now.

Speaking of moving out of Barb's, this is it!! Tonight is my last night in my bed. It's also my last night sleeping solo because I share a bed with my cousin Jenna for the rest of the week. I guess it's a good warm-up for the rest of my life ;)

I'm sad to be leaving Barb's so am trying not to think about it. We've had a terrific 4.5 years!! Sure, it wasn't the easiest time and we've both had our ups and downs personally, emotionally, physically, and so on. But we've had some fun little traditions... Chili's dates on Friday nights. Hanging out with each other and talking while getting ready for bed. Saturday night fall-asleep-on-Barb's-bed routine while watching Saturday Night Live. Helping care for each other when we had injuries, surgeries, or weren't feeling well. And just simply sharing life together! I've felt privileged to be Barb's "significant other" (at least more so than anyone else) while I've lived with her.

So tonight is my last night in my bed, living with Barb. I (obviously) wouldn't change it, but I'll miss our little life!!

Today was also my last Starbucks date with God before the wedding. Maybe not my last date with God before Sunday, but my last lunch-time-Starbucks date. At one point I had estimated the number of pages I'd write in my journal before the wedding and I was only 2 pages off!

As I journaled today, I reflected on how my single journey is nearly over, only 5 more days! I sure had a good run!! I emailed my friend Stacey that I appreciated her friendship over the past 2 years because I felt like she helped me really fully live out my last single year! Over the past several years I had begun to try and prepare myself for the potential that "the one" wouldn't come along. Sure, I'm young, but I wanted to get used to the idea just in case. I think I got so used to the idea that I was almost surprised when he came along and was thrilled when we got engaged!! And today, the reality that I'm getting married in 5 days to my best friend and favorite person in the world, warms my heart and makes me so thankful to God's gift of Mark! The years of waiting and the fears that it wouldn't happen has made it all even sweeter! I can't believe the waiting and wondering and hoping is over! I can't even begin to express how thankful I am!! I keep trying and I can't see to even come close.

Thank you God, for my future husband!!! Please help me love and respect and never take him for granted, for the rest of my life!!!

What did you do a week before your wedding?

This is what I've often wondered. Although maybe not before I got engaged. This summer I remember seeing a couple in church I knew were getting married the following weekend and wondering to myself, "what kind of things are going on for them right now? What are they feeling? etc". Another couple I know was getting married, I saw on their wedding website they only had 14 days left, what were they thinking? What were they doing with their time? Well, I guess I can say, now I know...

Last Saturday my friend Stacey (soon to be Graves) Dykstra threw me a lingerie shower. It was a little like my bachelorette party seeing as I'm not having one (which was intentional) and we all went to dinner after the shower. It was SO fun!!

Sunday was Mark's and my traditional Noah's breakfast, church, met with the photographer, and I don't remember what else.

Monday night was a dinner party celebrating Stacey and Michael, that Stacey's work threw for her.

Tuesday night my work threw an inter-office party for me, which was super fun. Afterwards, I hit the gym, picked up Mark, and grabbed Chinese.

Wednesday night I ran 6 miles on the treadmill, picked up Mark, grabbed a lovely dinner at Red Robin and headed over to my friend Trisha's for her birthday/housewarming celebration. We finished off the evening with a couple songs of Guitar Hero, it was awesome!

Thursday I got off a little early but ended up driving a ways to the UPS place to get a renegade package. It wasn't there and I needed to get back there before 8. I then did a couple other errands and headed downtown for a going away dinner for a friend. I pretty much spent most of 3:30-7 in the car driving, didn't make it to the going away, did pick up Mark and make it to package pick-up by 8.

Friday I got off work, picked up my cousin Jenna and picked up Mark, who dropped us off at the Max station. We rode to Ikea where we met Barb and Jenna's dad and step mom. Had dinner, shopped, dropped Jenna off, grabbed milk and coffee, and were home around 10:30.

This morning I ran 8 miles on my own (Trisha was kickin' it doing Hood to Coast), made pancakes, watched an HD show with Mark about drifting, packed a little and took a load of my belongings to Mark's place. Rearranged some things so my stuff could be shoved somewhere in the corner and we could make room for my shoe collection ;) We had a snack, Mark headed to work, I headed home. I packed some more stuff, showered, ran a bunch of very productive errands with Barb. We met Mark at Chilis for our last Chilis dinner with Barb before we're married, Mark headed back to work and Barb and I stopped at the mall before coming home. I took over one more load to Mark's, put things away, and folded his clothes (I LOVE taking care of him).

So, a week before our wedding we moved, did social stuff, worked, and had some normal life thrown in there. Other than my HORRIBLE dream a couple nights ago about forgetting to pick up my wedding dress from the cleaners but not realizing it until we needed to put it on me, things have been good ;) Everything is done and ready. And for a rare occasion, I'm looking forward to Monday because it takes me one day closer to my wedding day!!

While I'm writing this, I'm also trying a new 2 hour teeth whitening thing. 9:30 is probably a little late to start but I'm just not sure of another time I'll have 2 hours where I won't be eating ;)

I'm about to do my nails for the last time before my manicure/pedicure next Friday. Crazy that it's all so soon!! While I was at Mark's and folding his clothes, I tried to imagine what it will be like to live in the apartment together, I can't quite grasp it! The thing I DO grasp is how madly in love I am with this man!!! I didn't know it would be like this and didn't realize how awesome it would be!! I'm sure we'll have our rough patches like everyone does but I have NO doubt that this is the man I want to spend the rest of my life with! We laugh together, joke about silly things, and just the touch of his hand makes me feel better about everything. God has blessed me SO richly with Mark, the love of my life!! We've talked about how we're a bit nervous about the "production" of the wedding/weekend (I'm a little nervous about the 18 mile run the morning before the wedding), but are otherwise SUPER SUPER excited!!! Even the production can't keep us from feeling totally stoked about being married and our little honeymoon get away!!

If I don't post again before the wedding, in less than 8 days, let me just say, Thank you Jesus for this oppotunity and amazing and perfect (for me) man!! Yippee!!

Tagged

I was tagged by Brian Clayville. And since I don't play by the rules very well, I'm going to post my 8 but not tag people. Besides, I think all the people I know have been tagged anyway. I think these types of things are silly and I'll just use it as an excuse to give you 8 things about me ;)

So, if I were playing by the rules, this is what they would be.

1. Post these rules before I give you the facts.
2. Each person shares eight random facts/habits about themselves.
3. People who are tagged need to write a post on their own blog (about their eight things) and post these rules.
4. At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people (or whatever number you want) to get tagged and list their names.
5. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.


1. I have moved 20+ times. I stopped counting a couple moves ago.

2. I have never known what I wanted to do with my life. Still have NO clue!

3. I LOVE picking at, touching, stroking, trimming, and plucking my eyebrows. It's more of a habit really and I'm kind of embarrassed about it. Mark notices but is nice enough not to say anything. Although he sometimes enjoys pushing the hairs the opposite direction because he knows it drives me crazy. I leave them as long as possible and fix my brow when I don't think he's looking ;)

4. Mark and I won't have Internet in our new place. We aren't sure when we'll get it, probably not before the end of the year, if then.

5. I never went to any form of public school (except for driver's ed) until college.

6. I like to get ready for bed in the same way and in the same order each night. Pjs, go to the bathroom, pluck a few eyebrow hairs, brush teeth, wash face, etc. I try and make it efficient and I think this simple routine makes me not feel so displaced when life might be up in the air... like when moving 20+ times ;) I'm assuming this routine will get tossed out the window as I'll soon be getting ready for bed with someone else. I'm trying to prepare myself to roll with the punches since even if I create a new routine, Mark may not follow it and then there is no routine.

7. My brothers and I LOVED playing with legos and did so up until I was in high school. Every few months we'd bust out the legos and build entire cities that we'd set up on plywood boards (we always seemed to have one hanging around). We'd spend days building everything. Some out of pre-designed sets and others from scratch. We'd get the city all built, complete with roads, and then wouldn't really play with it, we'd just set up scenes (crashes and demolition mostly) and take pictures.

8. My senior year of high school I decided I wanted to learn about cars so I applied for a job at a local auto shop that my dad took his cars too. The guy gave me a job in the office with the understanding I could go in the shop whenever it was slow. I wore the shop shirts and overalls with my hair in brains with red ribbons and steel toed work boots (I thought they were cool even though something could have fallen on them and mutilated my toes). The guys liked to put me on projects and just stand around and watch and walk me through it. I didn't mind, I learned a lot. I remember one time when driving one of my dad's cars and it broke down, I took it into the shop and one of the mechanics helped me diagnose the problem (fuel filter needed to be replaced). I replaced it all on my own without any help and it came out perfectly! I was pretty pleased with that. I didn't have clean hands for the entire time I worked there and when taking my senior pictures tried to make sure my hands didn't show since they had black in all the creases.

New Camera!!

Here are some fun pictures we tood with the new camera. Isn't his face dreamy!!
The last one is funny! It was taken inbetween expressions ;)

And life keeps going...

We're 18 days away!! 2 weeks from today 3 of my best friends will be arriving!

And life keeps going... I still go to Starbucks for dates with God. I still pick Mark up from work (remember he has no car). I still try and figure out what to bring to work for lunch every day. We're still trying to finalize some wedding details. My car still needs new tires. I'm still running. We're still trying to be careful with how we spend our money. We're still saving quarters to gamble in Vegas ;)

Here's a SWEET thing!! Several of my friends went in together on a camera as a wedding gift for Mark and me. We LOVE the camera!! Thanks Marla, Stacey, Noell, Adri, and Trisha!! Now all we need is a little case and memory card.

I have continued reading in 2 Samuel and it's like a soap opera!! Yesterday's chapter (13, I think) was about David's son raping his half sister and then hating her and sending her away. The woman's full brother waited 2 years before carrying out a plot to kill the half brother who raped his sister. The chapters before that were about how David didn't go to battle, saw a beautiful woman bathing and slept with her. Later when she came to tell him she was pregnant he sent for her husband to come home from battle to sleep with her (apparently he wasn't much worried the boy would look more like the king than his own father). The man wouldn't sleep with his wife out of guilt for not being at battle with his men (where David should have been to begin with). Then David decided to just have the man killed! So he arranged for it to happen during battle so no one would know. Then David took the woman as his wife. But as a consequence, God killed off the baby. And in the end, David repented and all was forgiven. Doesn't seem like it should be that easy, huh? It is!

Geez!! It's like Days of Our Lives. But I guess it's more redemptive ;)

Wedding hair?

I had my hair done the other night (color and trim). I've included a picture of my hair color for the wedding ;)



Yes!! It is truly this color. But don't freak out, it will fade a little before September 2nd and I'll make sure my hair color is NOT the first thing you notice when you see me ;) But I LOVE it!!

More Pictures!

These are pictures from my family bridal shower on July 31st.

Pictures!

I finally have the Internet fixed and pictures loaded! Here are some pictures from my bridal shower on July 28th.

Today's journey

24 days to go! That's all I have to say about that ;)

This week has been weird. I have been home more to help Barb, because of her fractured back (although she's doing significantly well). I haven't been over to the new apartment at all, which is probably good because whenever I'm there I want to live there, so not being there might help me with patience ;)

Last night after our hair appointments and before we stopped for dinner, Barb and I talked about how this phase of my life really is all about me ;) Well, us, but it's a much more (appropriately) self-focused phase than we normally experience in life. I told her how sometimes I almost feel bad about how self-focused it truly is. Other than work and running, my days are absorbed with wedding preparations, final details, and things that are kind of silly to spend your time thinking about.

At the same time, we talked about how God orchestrated this phase of my life and sometimes we have seasons of life that are like this. Since it's from God and it's GOOD, I want to view it as a God-given phase. Not as an excuse to ignore others or anything, but as a short season that will be gone quickly and should be cherished.

I've enjoyed trying to figure out things like that what shoes I'll wear and how I'll do my hair or what gift to give so-and-so. Although I'm thankful that this season isn't any longer than it is as I'm looking forward to getting absorbed with much more "eternal" things. But I guess if you have to endure a phase of life, one that's primarily focused on you, your future husband, and your future life isn't so bad ;)

Past 36 hours

- Friday 5pm, left work and headed to the mall. Unsuccessful at finding shoes, but successful at finding a few other things.
While on my way to pickup Mark at work, got a call that Barb was on her way to the emergency room. Grabbed a quick bite at Taco Bell with Mark (was supposed to eat lots of pasta in prep for my long run Saturday morning), so didn't eat much.
- Waited with Barb until they took her back, drugs, xray, ctscan, discovering a fracture, postponed the Saturday morning run, consumed 2 bags of chips, hearing the same drug-induced story mutiple times, and about 5 hours later... on the way home.
- 1:30am, Barb was rested in bed, Mark was on his way to pick up the perscriptions and pizza. We ate food and then fell asleep on the couch until Barb's 4am drug dosage. The drugs were working so well that when I woke her up she realized she had completely forgotten she was injured ;)
- 8am medication, 10am medication (4 and 6 hour incriments) and I finally got out of bed.Barb didn't.

Here's what I did yesterday:
made breakfast
watched a movie
cleaned up the kitchen
not sure what else, but it wasn't productive ;)
gave Barb regular medication, food, pillows or anything else she needed
cleaned 1.5 bathrooms
walked down to get the mail
checked email
watched another movie
put some clothes away
threw a load in the laundry
watered plants
wrote a few thank you cards
ate dinner and watched another movie
It was an all-in-all very relaxing day and I can't remember the last time I didn't go anywhere all day, it was kind of fun.

Today I made it out long enough to run 15 miles (4 miles shorter than we were supposed to go). I REALLY did NOT want to go, but was glad I did and was actually surprised I made it out. After yesterday's home day, I didn't want to go anywhere! But I did.

Other than running and hitting the store for coffee, jam, and pancakes supplies, I've pretty much just eaten, rested, helped Barb get settled on the couch, continued to give her medication and now I'm going to try and get myself in the shower. But I HATE showering in the middle of the day and hate showering in general so am not sure what kind of things I might find to distracted myself with between now and then. Although I might eat first since I'm hungry, again.

So, that's been my life this weekend. The nice thing is that I didn't have too many plans so staying home with Barb while she's recovering a little, worked out just fine.

4 weeks, 1 hour and 40 minutes from right now, the ceremony starts! But who's counting ;)

Love?

The other day when spending, what has become a somewhat rare, date with God at Starbucks, I felt almost desperate to connect with Him! My life seems to have gone from outward focused to (somewhat appropriately) inward focused. In my quest to live each today in today, I worry that I might be too focused on my self and upcoming wedding plans.

Truthfully, I don't mind staying primarily focused on planning our wedding, slowly moving my possessions to Mark's place, and spending every possible moment with the man I love. I get to spend my days (other than working and running) preparing our wedding and what other season of life is so new and fun and kind of easy! I know people have said that the engagement time can be really great but many have said it's difficult and strained. So far we have remained in a somewhat blissful state as we bask in the excitement of our coming wedding. It's hard to believe it's only 30 days away, less than a month!!!

Life is more different than I've ever known and the little hole in my heart that Mark now occupies part of feels like it leaves less space and dependence on God. Before Mark, that space was left vacant and I spent many long hours crying out to God to bring someone to fill the space. I was so aware of the gap in my life that all I could do was talk to God about it! Now I realize that was partly all I talked to God about and am not sure where my relationship is outside of that.

Wednesday, as I sat at Starbucks and wondered where my relationship with God went and where it's going, trying to push the panic that maybe I was in a "bad spot" with him, I decided to be pro-active. My twice weekly minimal journal time where I told God about wedding plans wasn't cutting it any more. Even the book I was reading, which used to be a primary tool in my life to leading me to God's presence, wasn't doing it for me. When I had looked for a new book to read a couple weeks ago and told Barb I wanted something that wasn't relationship or marriage related, just about me and God, she recommended the Bible ;)

So, I decided my Bible needs to be my starting place. I read my chapter in 2 Samuel and instead of dismissing it and writing in my journal about ME, I wrote a few thoughts about the chapter. It felt good not to just talk about wedding stuff. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE my life right now!! I love planning our wedding, I love anticipating married life, I LOVE spending time with Mark!! But I also love God and feel like I've pushed him to the back burner so I can boil wedding prep on my front burner for a while. Perhaps there are times in life where that's appropriate? I like believing that God understands what we have going on. But I'm also ready to put my boiling pot of wedding preparation to the back burner or take it off the stove all together! Or replace it with a boiling delicious smelling pot of Marriage! Only 30 more days to go!

I also decided to start memorizing scripture again. I don't really memorize it for future reference any more, I memorize it to live well today and reflect on what the verses are saying. In my effort to prepare everything for our wedding day, I realized I wasn't doing much to prepare myself for marriage... how does a person prepare themselves for marriage? I opted for "the" chapter on love from 1 Corinthians 13.

Why be cheesy and cliche with an obvious chapter? Because it's on love, and God is love. If I want God, then I have to remember love. And so far, I must say that I'm rather amazed at the assumptions that the writer of this chapter is making! Here's today's verse: "If I had the gift or prophecy, and if I understood all God's secret plans, and if I possessed all knowledge, and if I had such faith to move mountains, but didn't love others, I would be nothing."

I really like the last line, "I would BE nothing". I'm not sure about everyone else, but I want BE somebody!!

I can't seem to wrap my brain around the fact that I could know everything, understand all God's plans, have perfect faith, but if I didn't love those around me, it wouldn't mean a thing!

So, I guess all that to say I don't really know what I'm doing. I hate feeling a little disconnected from God and am sometimes a little scared at how life is different with part of my empty hole now filled up. I'm not sure what exactly God had in mind for this season of life, but I'm trudging along the best I can and have enjoyed my Bible the past 2 Starbucks dates and am very excited about the new ideas the verses bring to mind. I don't want to just prepare a beautiful wedding day, I want to build a beautiful marriage, surrounded by love. I have no idea what I'm doing and certainly don't know what I'm getting myself into!! But I wouldn't want to move forward into the scary unknown without God and my amazing future husband walking along with me!!

Top 10 and 5

Right now I feel like there is so much and nothing going on at the same time ;)

When I returned from Europe and someone mentioned I needed to make sure and post a blog about my trip, I suggested that I wasn't sure where to begin. They said I should do a "top 10". It worked well and since I'm sometimes at a loss of what to blog now, here's a top 10.

Top 10 from life today (not in any particular order):

1) Last night's shower for Stacey was really fun! I enjoyed helping to throw the party!

2) I get married one month from tomorrow!!

3) I enjoyed visiting with Jenni Clayville last night at the party and realized I miss hanging out with her :(

4) My parents are really stepping up to help me with wedding details! They are awesome people!!

5) Mark has to work a ton lately so we don't get to see each other much during the week, so I'm trying to take care of him well during his off time with food and giving him rides from work.

6) Mark's family was in town this weekend and I just really love them!! They are generous and welcoming and just go with the flow. And I'm SO honored that Adrienne (Mark's sister) and Michelle (Mark's sister-in-law) will be bridesmaids!!

7) People were really generous at my bridal shower last Thursday night and my family shower on Saturday! It was neat to see people I haven't seen in a while and to see their excitement for this season of my life!

8) After the weekend's activities I really began to realize how close the wedding is!! I can't believe that in 4 weeks from today 2 of my friends will be arriving!!

9) My friends and family are SO gracious and patient with me as I pepper them with emails and details about the wedding... it helps me not feel overloaded if I can spew my thoughts out of my head on to paper or share them with others.

10) I'm more in love with Mark each moment that goes by!! How this is possible I have no idea but I can't WAIT to be his wife!!

Top 5 things I'm praying about (in no particular order) and would LOVE you to pray with me!!

1) That Mark and I would selflessly weather the first year of marriage and all the "hard times" married couples talk about. I can't imagine having "hard times" with Mark!! But I'm sure those who experience them thought that as well.

2) That I wouldn't be selfish about silly things like how the toothpaste is squeezed (someone mentioned this last night) or whether or not the lights are left on or cupboard doors are open or Mark doesn't always put his dirty clothes in the dirty clothes basket. I really want to use this as an opportunity to let love prevail over my selfish nature!!

3) That I wouldn't get too overwhelmed or impatient about final details before the wedding. That finalizing the rooming list for friends and family, schedules, and everything would come together with ease and everyone would be on the same page.

4) That I would be able to really release things before the wedding and let others handle everything so I can enjoy the weekend, day, and the people! And feel that bad that others are doing so much work for us to have a special day!!

5) That God would be more present in our lives today than yesterday. Since I've stepped out of ministry and turned my focus towards wedding planning and preparing for life together, I feel like my relationship with God is slightly misplaced. I'm worried about this unknown phase of life and not focusing on God in the middle of everything. To help combat that, I've started memorizing scripture again to meditate on. Although I forgot until just now! Here's the first verse: "I could speak all the languages of earth of angels, but if I didn't have love for others, I would only be a noisy gong or clanging symbols." 1 Cor 13:1. I know it's rather clique to to memorize that chapter, but I figure God is love therefore if I focus on loving others, God will be the center :)