Today I left work at 5 and feeling discouraged. I have no idea why as my life is grand! I had to stop at the bank and deposit a check and attempted to deposit a second one when I was told they couldn't, for various reasons. For some reason, their refusal made me want to cry. The clerk at the station next to where I was at has been very nice to me in the past, making small talk and I was so NOT in the mood to talk to anyone for fear I would burst into tears, that I made sure not to look her way.
It wasn't the clerk's fault that they couldn't take the check and I wasn't even that upset about the check. It was the mood I was in. As I left, I tried to squeeze out a, "thanks, you too" to her "have a nice evening", but it was difficult.
As I walked to the place next door my mind started to cultivate a series of negative thoughts and fears. I knew that these things were fake, drummed up by my negative attitude and sensitive mood. The replacement principle popped into my head and I tried to think about something else or at least make a serious effort to not let my thoughts continue on the path they were heading. It worked.
I got home and some packages I had been expecting arrived! Although instead of excitement at opening them, I was mostly afraid to look at the finished product for fear it wasn't what I had hoped! Upon opening the items, I wasn't disappointed but was filled with these silly fears and doubts and insecurities. So, I moved on to picking up and vacuuming. I did put something together that I was excited about how it turned out and encouraged that something I wasn't sure what to do about was now resolved.
The house is cleaned and picked up and ready for Barb's return home (Mark and I pick her up tonight) and my nails are now painted, in preparation for getting my ring back tomorrow. It has been at the jeweler all week to fit the wedding band. I have missed it SO much!! My hand looks pretty normal without it since it has been without much longer than it has been with. But I think I'm almost just as excited to get it back as I was to get it in the first place ;)
Mark should be home soon and we're heading to Macaroni Grill for dinner. We discovered we can eat there for a reasonable amount of money and since I'm running early tomorrow, need a bit of a carbo load. Last week I tried to shove as much pasta in my body as I could fit before I got too full. It seemed silly (and was kind of annoying) but I knew that I'd be really hungry in the morning if I didn't work it correctly and it turned out just fine! That is one thing I don't like about running so far is that you have to be pretty serious about the food part before a long run. Getting hungry too early in a long run can be disasterious to finishing well or finishing at all!
Friday, June 29, 2007
Saturday, June 23, 2007
My Running Report
Beep beep beep - it was annoying. 5:25am, I grab my cell phone and change the alarm to 'snooze' instead of 'off', allowing me 5 extra minutes. Pretty soon my radio alarm clock started singing a country song in my ear after it's 10 minute snooze. I pressed the large button on the top and turned it the volume down a little so it wasn't so obnoxious the next time it came on. One more 5 minute snooze on my cell phone alarm and I was trying to open my eyes and drag myself out of bed at the same time.
I've mastered the art of dressing for my run quickly because I know the longer I stay in my sleeping clothes, the less likely it will be that I'll want to run. So in a few short motions, my running clothes are on my body and I'm headed to the bathroom. Pee, (try and pooh, but no luck - this is important before a long run) brush my teeth, put my hat on and sloppily braid my hair so it doesn't become a knotted mess from swishing back and forth with every step of the run, and I'm out of the bathroom gathering the items to take downstairs.
Next move before I head out the door is filling up the little water bottles on my running belt with Glukos, that I got free from the half marathon a couple weeks ago, and water. On my way down to the garage I grab my purse, Power Bar to eat on the way, Clif Shot Bloks and water bottle. My shoes are out in the garage and slide easily on my feet, but I make sure not to tie them too tight.
On my way to meet Trisha I give her a call to make sure she's awake and getting ready and start in on my Power Bar. For some reason, when you have to eat stuff like that first thing in the morning, it's not as good as other times, but it's the highest carb, substantial thing that doesn't seem to mess up my stomach while running. And keeps me from getting hungry early on.
I meet at Trisha's, one last attempt to pooh, no luck again, and we hop in her car for the drive to our running route while trying to eat the Shot Bloks. The Black Cherry flavor seems to me more tolerable than others.
We get to the route and see lots of walkers on the way, that's different. Park, put on the belt and start walking. Trisha stretches a little, but I just get into the run. We walk less than 1/8th of a mile before starting to run, pointing out a branch hanging down, as our start point.
The first 1 1/4 mile is uphill so we take a little breather and walk for a few minutes at that marker and then start in on the rest of the run. It went pretty well, walking a little more than normal but I figure I'd rather get the distance in with walk breaks, then not at all. Besides, some runs just go that way. We talk, laugh, share advice, work through things we're trying to figure out, and talk through the week. Trish and I have a funny routine about splitting up the run with one of us talking about our week on the way and the other one on the way back. It's a nice way to break up the run and gives us something to talk about when it's only been 6 days since we last spent 2.5 to 3 hours together.
7.5 miles, the halfway point!! It's one of my favorite times in the run! Even though it's been challenging to get there and you are only halfway down, it feels good to know that all you have to do is get back. We walk a little, drink a little, then start off again.
By the time we reach the 1 1/4 marker, we know it's downhill from there. Sometimes it's the only thing that keeps us on our feet. ...1/2, 1/4, and we're finished! 15 miles! It feels great to have run that far, no matter how slow you did it or how often you may have had to walk. Somehow the events of the run and the way your body may have felt bad all melts away as you savor the enjoyment of the moment. Even though it was hard and we wanted to walk, we got it done!! Not great time, but better than not doing it at all.
On the drive home, I check my messages and find one from mom with her running report of 11-12 miles and how it all went. I call her back and recap our run and we talk a little about how it felt and how we did. I was proud of her today for getting up and going first thing early in the morning. Cuts down on enduring mid-day temps and also gives you a great sense of accomplishment early in the day.
After Trish drops me off at my car and we say goodbye, I call my uncle Jerry and get his running report, a 10 mile run that was speedier than he thought he would do. Speedy enough that he thought maybe he accidentally ran less than 10 but was pretty sure it was at least that. We share a little about the mutual adventures and then get off the phone.
I have to say that I LOVE our running reports! I love running so far and feeling like you totally killed a beast first thing on Saturday morning. I love visiting with Trisha for a couple hours every time. And I'm SO proud of mom and Jerry for cranking through long runs, most of the time by themselves. We're all planning to run the Portland Marathon together and are excited about progress so far!
Now I've had breakfast, watched part of a movie and am a little late on when I hoped to get my bathroom clean, but whatever ;)
Happy weekend!
I've mastered the art of dressing for my run quickly because I know the longer I stay in my sleeping clothes, the less likely it will be that I'll want to run. So in a few short motions, my running clothes are on my body and I'm headed to the bathroom. Pee, (try and pooh, but no luck - this is important before a long run) brush my teeth, put my hat on and sloppily braid my hair so it doesn't become a knotted mess from swishing back and forth with every step of the run, and I'm out of the bathroom gathering the items to take downstairs.
Next move before I head out the door is filling up the little water bottles on my running belt with Glukos, that I got free from the half marathon a couple weeks ago, and water. On my way down to the garage I grab my purse, Power Bar to eat on the way, Clif Shot Bloks and water bottle. My shoes are out in the garage and slide easily on my feet, but I make sure not to tie them too tight.
On my way to meet Trisha I give her a call to make sure she's awake and getting ready and start in on my Power Bar. For some reason, when you have to eat stuff like that first thing in the morning, it's not as good as other times, but it's the highest carb, substantial thing that doesn't seem to mess up my stomach while running. And keeps me from getting hungry early on.
I meet at Trisha's, one last attempt to pooh, no luck again, and we hop in her car for the drive to our running route while trying to eat the Shot Bloks. The Black Cherry flavor seems to me more tolerable than others.
We get to the route and see lots of walkers on the way, that's different. Park, put on the belt and start walking. Trisha stretches a little, but I just get into the run. We walk less than 1/8th of a mile before starting to run, pointing out a branch hanging down, as our start point.
The first 1 1/4 mile is uphill so we take a little breather and walk for a few minutes at that marker and then start in on the rest of the run. It went pretty well, walking a little more than normal but I figure I'd rather get the distance in with walk breaks, then not at all. Besides, some runs just go that way. We talk, laugh, share advice, work through things we're trying to figure out, and talk through the week. Trish and I have a funny routine about splitting up the run with one of us talking about our week on the way and the other one on the way back. It's a nice way to break up the run and gives us something to talk about when it's only been 6 days since we last spent 2.5 to 3 hours together.
7.5 miles, the halfway point!! It's one of my favorite times in the run! Even though it's been challenging to get there and you are only halfway down, it feels good to know that all you have to do is get back. We walk a little, drink a little, then start off again.
By the time we reach the 1 1/4 marker, we know it's downhill from there. Sometimes it's the only thing that keeps us on our feet. ...1/2, 1/4, and we're finished! 15 miles! It feels great to have run that far, no matter how slow you did it or how often you may have had to walk. Somehow the events of the run and the way your body may have felt bad all melts away as you savor the enjoyment of the moment. Even though it was hard and we wanted to walk, we got it done!! Not great time, but better than not doing it at all.
On the drive home, I check my messages and find one from mom with her running report of 11-12 miles and how it all went. I call her back and recap our run and we talk a little about how it felt and how we did. I was proud of her today for getting up and going first thing early in the morning. Cuts down on enduring mid-day temps and also gives you a great sense of accomplishment early in the day.
After Trish drops me off at my car and we say goodbye, I call my uncle Jerry and get his running report, a 10 mile run that was speedier than he thought he would do. Speedy enough that he thought maybe he accidentally ran less than 10 but was pretty sure it was at least that. We share a little about the mutual adventures and then get off the phone.
I have to say that I LOVE our running reports! I love running so far and feeling like you totally killed a beast first thing on Saturday morning. I love visiting with Trisha for a couple hours every time. And I'm SO proud of mom and Jerry for cranking through long runs, most of the time by themselves. We're all planning to run the Portland Marathon together and are excited about progress so far!
Now I've had breakfast, watched part of a movie and am a little late on when I hoped to get my bathroom clean, but whatever ;)
Happy weekend!
Thursday, June 21, 2007
The turning week...
After this week, my life is officially different than I've ever known! Why? Because I'm no longer in ministry! Tuesday night's Fusion was my last formal ministry event, however I do plan to try and hangout with a couple girls by the end of summer (didn't get all those grad gifts handed out).
Honestly, I'm trying to decide how I feel about this. I've always been doing highschool ministry! When I was in highschool I was in highschool ministry and since I've been out of highschool, I've been doing highschool ministry. Other than the transitional 4 months right after I moved to Portland, I've been doing highschool ministry. And now it's over.
Oddly enough, I'm okay with it. I think it's such a great example of God's perfect timing!! When I first started working with freshman girls 4 years ago, I told the leaders I couldn't commit to all 4 years because I didn't know where my life would be at in a year or two. But I could commit as long as I was around. Well, I was around all 4 years! Honestly, I didn't think I would be, although I wasn't sure where I would go.
God's timing truly is perfect because if I didn't have the super fun distraction and excitement of our coming wedding to plan and newly married life to look forward to, I'd be pretty bummed that my role in ministry was over. The shift from Insight (Sunday night HS program) to Fusion (Tuesday night college group) in February was great because we transitioned out of Insight early and didn't hit that stage at the same time as the end of school.
So, this week marks a big shift for me. As I met with a few friends I hadn't hungout with in a while, it was like the final closure to a season of life from last year. And my last time at Fusion marked my last official role in ministry. It is the turn to full speed ahead with wedding planning, marathon training (doing Portland in early October) and married life in 73 days!!
As I've been reflecting on this over the week, it feels kind of shallow in a way. But as I've made it one of my "goals" to seek to enjoy each stage of life for what it is, I've decided to look for how God shows up in this new stage. He obviously placed me in this phase at this time and it's fun to consider why and seek to serve him well as I just live, run, plan our wedding, dream a little, and continue to grow in my relationship and love for Mark! Rough life, I know... but someone's gotta do it ;)
Honestly, I'm trying to decide how I feel about this. I've always been doing highschool ministry! When I was in highschool I was in highschool ministry and since I've been out of highschool, I've been doing highschool ministry. Other than the transitional 4 months right after I moved to Portland, I've been doing highschool ministry. And now it's over.
Oddly enough, I'm okay with it. I think it's such a great example of God's perfect timing!! When I first started working with freshman girls 4 years ago, I told the leaders I couldn't commit to all 4 years because I didn't know where my life would be at in a year or two. But I could commit as long as I was around. Well, I was around all 4 years! Honestly, I didn't think I would be, although I wasn't sure where I would go.
God's timing truly is perfect because if I didn't have the super fun distraction and excitement of our coming wedding to plan and newly married life to look forward to, I'd be pretty bummed that my role in ministry was over. The shift from Insight (Sunday night HS program) to Fusion (Tuesday night college group) in February was great because we transitioned out of Insight early and didn't hit that stage at the same time as the end of school.
So, this week marks a big shift for me. As I met with a few friends I hadn't hungout with in a while, it was like the final closure to a season of life from last year. And my last time at Fusion marked my last official role in ministry. It is the turn to full speed ahead with wedding planning, marathon training (doing Portland in early October) and married life in 73 days!!
As I've been reflecting on this over the week, it feels kind of shallow in a way. But as I've made it one of my "goals" to seek to enjoy each stage of life for what it is, I've decided to look for how God shows up in this new stage. He obviously placed me in this phase at this time and it's fun to consider why and seek to serve him well as I just live, run, plan our wedding, dream a little, and continue to grow in my relationship and love for Mark! Rough life, I know... but someone's gotta do it ;)
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
Reflections on journey vs destination
As I headed out for my run tonight I wondered what I was running for, the journey or the destination? Was I running to get to the end? Probably not since I would end up in the same place where I started with my little out and back Terwilliger route. If I was running to get a particular place, then I might as well stand still, because I started at my car, where I planned to end.
Was I running for the journey? I had never really thought about it before, but running is absolutely about the journey! Just like when I did the Helvetia Half Marathon this weekend. If the race was about getting to the finish line, then we might as well not have run at all, since it started and ended at the Hillsboro stadium! However, if the race is about the journey to the finish line, then it's well worth the time and energy!
I guess you could say the same thing about life. Sometimes it's hard to remember that the "race" we are running isn't about finishing, but is about doing our best on the journey to the finish line. It's not really about getting there fast, but staying hydrated, conquering all the little hills, turns, tired moments, and potential injuries along the way.
This has been on my mind lately. I realized a couple years ago that I wanted to live for the day I was in and not just hoping for tomorrow. I've wrestled with this idea for a while and until getting engaged, found it exceptionally difficult!! I feel bad that getting engaged has made it so much easier. For some reason, I don't mind waiting the 81 days until we get married. I want to marry Mark now, but the anticipation and putting the pieces in place are all very fun! I know that I could wish it would fly by quickly and the wedding would be here in a moment and I could get upset about all there is to do and sometimes wish we weren't going to the trouble, but why not enjoy the journey instead? That is what I hope to do, live every day for the joy of the journey. I figure that I might as well get into a good routine with that thinking now, when it's easy. Because I'm sure one day it may not be!
By the way, I didn't run my best half marathon time, but it was within about 2 minutes of my best time, so I was pretty happy about that! I would have loved to run it a minute or 2 faster than the best time but considering we weren't really trying to do a personal best, it was great!! And we (we = me and Trisha, my running partner) ran the entire time in a good steady pace. We finished at about 11 minute miles, again. I'm really pleased with that result!
One journey that seems to have come to it's destination, is my role in student ministry. My girls are all graduated!! I've been with most of them since they were freshman and it's exciting and sad to see them graduate. Some of them are going on the 2 week Honduras mission trip leaving this Friday and others are staying home, but I think all of them have plans for college.
Since we transitioned into the college group from Insight back in February, we've already sort of eased out of the high school ministry at church and last night it all of a sudden hit me that it was over!! Last night was the prayer meeting to send off the Seniors on their mission trip. It wasn't really the meeting itself, but it just dawned on me during the meeting that the investment in students I've been making for the past 4 years is over! Until I met Mark, ministry was my life, my passion, the thing that kept me going through the day (God being the core, of course). My year revolved around camps, hanging out with kids and Insight on Sunday nights. Although I didn't mind some of those responsibilities fading a little as my relationship with Mark got deeper, I'm sad to see it all gone. I'm glad for the (appropriate) distraction of a wedding and married life this fall to get me through the adjustment of not hanging out with students any more. But I will miss them like mad crazy!! Hearing about houseboat makes me want to go, but I know it's something I can't do this year, perhaps next.
On another note, my camera died this weekend! Barb and I got it free with the computer about 3+ years ago and we've used it pretty hard since then, especially as I took up scrapbooking last year (it's a great motivation to take more pictures). Between the beginning of the half marathon this weekend and the end, it died!! Major bummer!! Mark and I are going to contribute to Barb's replacement camera and she'll let us use that before the wedding. Otherwise, we're hoping we get the one on our registry or have money after the wedding to buy a new one... it was old and time to go, but it hung in there so well! By little Kodak buddy, thanks for the memories!
Was I running for the journey? I had never really thought about it before, but running is absolutely about the journey! Just like when I did the Helvetia Half Marathon this weekend. If the race was about getting to the finish line, then we might as well not have run at all, since it started and ended at the Hillsboro stadium! However, if the race is about the journey to the finish line, then it's well worth the time and energy!
I guess you could say the same thing about life. Sometimes it's hard to remember that the "race" we are running isn't about finishing, but is about doing our best on the journey to the finish line. It's not really about getting there fast, but staying hydrated, conquering all the little hills, turns, tired moments, and potential injuries along the way.
This has been on my mind lately. I realized a couple years ago that I wanted to live for the day I was in and not just hoping for tomorrow. I've wrestled with this idea for a while and until getting engaged, found it exceptionally difficult!! I feel bad that getting engaged has made it so much easier. For some reason, I don't mind waiting the 81 days until we get married. I want to marry Mark now, but the anticipation and putting the pieces in place are all very fun! I know that I could wish it would fly by quickly and the wedding would be here in a moment and I could get upset about all there is to do and sometimes wish we weren't going to the trouble, but why not enjoy the journey instead? That is what I hope to do, live every day for the joy of the journey. I figure that I might as well get into a good routine with that thinking now, when it's easy. Because I'm sure one day it may not be!
By the way, I didn't run my best half marathon time, but it was within about 2 minutes of my best time, so I was pretty happy about that! I would have loved to run it a minute or 2 faster than the best time but considering we weren't really trying to do a personal best, it was great!! And we (we = me and Trisha, my running partner) ran the entire time in a good steady pace. We finished at about 11 minute miles, again. I'm really pleased with that result!
One journey that seems to have come to it's destination, is my role in student ministry. My girls are all graduated!! I've been with most of them since they were freshman and it's exciting and sad to see them graduate. Some of them are going on the 2 week Honduras mission trip leaving this Friday and others are staying home, but I think all of them have plans for college.
Since we transitioned into the college group from Insight back in February, we've already sort of eased out of the high school ministry at church and last night it all of a sudden hit me that it was over!! Last night was the prayer meeting to send off the Seniors on their mission trip. It wasn't really the meeting itself, but it just dawned on me during the meeting that the investment in students I've been making for the past 4 years is over! Until I met Mark, ministry was my life, my passion, the thing that kept me going through the day (God being the core, of course). My year revolved around camps, hanging out with kids and Insight on Sunday nights. Although I didn't mind some of those responsibilities fading a little as my relationship with Mark got deeper, I'm sad to see it all gone. I'm glad for the (appropriate) distraction of a wedding and married life this fall to get me through the adjustment of not hanging out with students any more. But I will miss them like mad crazy!! Hearing about houseboat makes me want to go, but I know it's something I can't do this year, perhaps next.
On another note, my camera died this weekend! Barb and I got it free with the computer about 3+ years ago and we've used it pretty hard since then, especially as I took up scrapbooking last year (it's a great motivation to take more pictures). Between the beginning of the half marathon this weekend and the end, it died!! Major bummer!! Mark and I are going to contribute to Barb's replacement camera and she'll let us use that before the wedding. Otherwise, we're hoping we get the one on our registry or have money after the wedding to buy a new one... it was old and time to go, but it hung in there so well! By little Kodak buddy, thanks for the memories!
Monday, June 4, 2007
Will life ever slow down?
Well, another week has quickly flown by!! I stay SUPER busy and love every minute of it... because each day that passes brings us closer to the time of the wedding ;) 90 days and counting!I'm going to keep this short because I have a couple other things to do before going to bed. I'm really bummed I don't have more time to blog. The choice seem to be between time with Mark, time sleeping, or time wedding planning. I normally choose one of those 3 over blogging and try and reserve the weekends for a little down time. Although it's minimal. But everything going on right now is very fun, so I can't complain ;)
This weekend is a half marathon (Helvetia) on Saturday, 4 graduation parties between Saturday and Sunday, helping a friend move, church and whatever else comes up.
Last weekend mom was in town and we had a great time!! The day I took off to spend doing a long run (10 miles) and then wedding planning, was a blast! I wore a cute pink skirt because I decided that I wanted to look pretty and about to get married. We enjoyed tasting cake, talking flowers, and walking through the church.
Here are some pics from the family weekend trip to Maupin for my cousin Annie's graduation (sorry about the color in the first shot). I love the last picture of me and Mark, but I'm not sure what wall decor item was behind him that made his hair look funny ;)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
