We're Engaged!!!

One year ago this weekend, Mark and I got to know each other at the Sunset Quarterlife's retreat to Cannon Beach Conference Center. We actually noticed one another a week or two before that and only talked to each other for the first time the Wednesday before the retreat. There was an immediate connection. While at the retreat, the connection deepened and he invited me to join him to watch the "sunrise" (although since it doesn't rise on the west coast, we called it watching the sky "brighten") at 5:30am on Sunday morning. It wasn't really my habit of accepting 5:30am hangout invitations from guys I didn't know very well, but there was something about him that made it worth the risk. We talked for over 3 hours that faitful Sunday morning. That's when it all began...

For the past three weeks, we have planned to go with Barb back to Cannon Beach (she was speaking at a retreat), for the day yesterday. We were excited when we realized it would be the 1 year weekend since the retreat last year. Last week I had told Mark that I really would like to get engaged that weekend, and that's when he started feeding me all kinds of lies to get me off the trail. It was a HARD week when, I thought, he was very real and honest about how he would not be asking me this weekend. I cried and he later told me that he felt HORRIBLE for making me feel bad, but it was totally worth everything to have it be such a surprise!

So yesterday morning we set out with Barb, after a quick stop at Starbucks. I had resolved myself to the fact that he would not be asking me that day and decided to enjoy celebrating 1 year from when we got to know each other. We didn't even need to talk about how one of the first things we would do after arriving at the beach, was to go find "the spot" where we had sat for 3 hours that Sunday morning.

We arrived a little early and drove around town (Mark later told me this was hard because he was so anxious). We finally parked at the conference center and Barb went off to find the group while we used the restroom and then waited at the car for her to come back and unlock so we could get our stuff out for the morning (she said she would unlock before she left, but forgot). Poor Mark, this seemed to take a while. When Barb got back, we gathered our stuff and headed down to the beach.

As we walked, we talked about where "the spot" was and how we could try and find it again. We knew it was past the little "river" that's on the north side of the beach. We looked for the log we leaned against that morning, but knew that was a stretch since people could have moved the log since then. We found a spot that we figured was close enough and spread out our blanket. I sat down and wondered why Mark didn't sit down as well, but stayed on his knees. While I wasn't paying attention, he pulled the ring from his pocket and placed it on my finger.

...it was like a dream...

I don't remember much of what we said, but I remember bursting into tears... happy tears...

I was so shocked! All I could do was hug him and cry and finally said YES.

Here are some pictures of the best day of my life!!! So far!

Minutes after he asked me!! See the ring? There has never been a ring on that finger!!

The BEAUTIFUL ring!! He did SO good!!

The spot where he asked!

I am definitely the happiest woman that has ever been engaged to my best friend, EVER!! You may think that everyone is as happy as me and I only think I'm the happiest woman. But you are wrong. I'm the happiest woman ;) Not because he finally asked me or that I have always wanted to be engaged (although both of those are a true as well), but even more so because Mark is my best friend! I've had the best year of my life with him! He loves Jesus and wants us to grow in that area of our personal lives and relationship with each other, more than anything. He's my movie buddy, loves to be silly with me, laughs and smiles at me all the time, he seems to delight in me, he cares about me, he's sensitive towards others, he shows me how to be giving, it doesn't hurt that he's the best looking guy in the world!!! I am SO thrilled he has asked me share this life with him!

Thanks to everyone who has encouraged, supported and loved us along the way (so far) and even those who have gently expressed concerns. We could not do life and our relationship without those who have shaped us into who we are today.

Be watching for more news and dates and information to come!

Give up my issues... pretending??

On Friday I had a great email exchange with my momma. You know, she spends her days at work walking people through their conflicts and she has EXCELLENT things to say. Here's some of what we talked about:

Me to Mom: I feel like I walk around trying to be okay with the things I hate about myself (and the things I feel like other people hate about me) and sometimes I get tired of trying to be okay. It gets tiring. So sometimes I just don't want to pretend any longer. How do you balance pretending to be okay so you can focus on the other person and TRULY putting yourself aside enough to focus on them (in a sacrificial and others-focused kind of way)? I have to admit that I can't get past the "what about me?" question. Like today, I felt like last night I needed something and didn't get it. I came away fighting frustration because I know I'm not supposed to be needy of other people and be okay without. I feel completely fake by trying to push my stuff aside to show love towards others and try not to care about the fact that I feel like I didn't get what I thought I needed. I tried to be "good", but felt totally fake and a mild form of frustration that it seems like it didn't really matter.

Here are some of the excellent things my mom said in response: Well that is the million dollar question, "What about me?" And a similar struggle goes on with all women. I am not sure I have the instant fix for learning to be completely unselfish. I do know we are told to imitate Christ (Rom. 8:28-30, I John 2:6, Rom. 15:1-3, Eph. 5:1-2)) and he came to serve, not to be served (Matt. 20:28). I read in scripture "dos" and not "feels" for instance, we are told to put off the old self but I read nothing about whether we feel like it or not. I do read that we are to renew our minds, and that out of our mouths our heart speaks (where the minds interpretations of truth take root) and that our heart is the well-spring, the thing that feeds our lives.

More: Sometimes, focusing on what is happening to/in/around/without you and not only "God, what are you trying to tell me? Is there some action or thought I need to forsake, or some action or thought I need to change or add?" In other words, where can I put off sin and put on God. God has promised never to leave me or forsake me, and He has also promised to transform me. He does this through the world around me. If it is true that His grace is sufficient (2 Cor. 9:8) and that He has given me everything I need for life and godliness RIGHT NOW (2 Pet. 1:3), not later, but now, then He calls me to stand up under whatever comes across my path without sin (I Cor. 10:13).

I think this was one of my favorite parts: Yes, it is weary to feel fake, but honesty is not about where others are bugging you, but where are hearts are deceiving us. We are not given latitude to share our feelings all over the place, but only where it will edify others. Does it feel like you are not being honest? What is the purpose of honest exchange? Is it to build them up in Christ or glorify God.

It is hard to find verses that say first, make yourself feel complete, happy, content, etc. then love others. Instead we are told to lay our life down, carry a cross, imitate Christ who died for us. But the hope is that trusting God, our only hope because of what Christ did for us is what will fill us with joy and peace (Rom. 15:13)

Gal. 5:13-15
"You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature; rather, serve one another in love. The entire law is summed up in a single command: Love your neighbor as yourself." If you keep on biting and devouring each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other."

Wow!!! Reading this all now feels inspiring. Great stuff!!!

I actually remembered all of this and put it into practice on Saturday morning. I found that in putting myself aside and focusing on loving others, it was the very thing that filled me up. Apparently God means what he says about giving up our lives to get life. That might not make sense... in other words, when I give up what I hope to get and genuinely seek to love others, it's in loving others that the need is met.

Now, if only I could remember this!!

In other little news, we had a wonderful birthday dinner for Barb last night. Mark bbq'd some fabulous chicken and veggie kabobs and we enjoyed the company of close friends and mud pie ;)

The good, bad and Psalm 142

By 6 o'clock this evening, my feet had already hit the pavement. Wearing my 100-200 mile-over-the-recommended-shoe-replacement-mileage Asics, I wondered how the run would go. Good or bad?

Last night Zach Miller (one of the most passionate-about-Jesus men that I know) spoke at Sunset's Fusion. He said lots of great stuff, but one of the things that stuck in my mind was about limitations. As humans we are limited. This is particularly evident to me each time I set out to run. It may not be true with all runners (although I think of myself more as a poser or wannabe, than a real runner), but normally when I start off my run, I never know how it will go. Some days, like tonight, seemed almost easy and my mind escaped so deeply into different places that the run felt like it was over as fast as it began. Other days, like a week ago last Saturday, the run could not have seemed harder. Each step dragged with difficulty as I struggled to simply put one foot in front of the other.

Sometimes I feel that way about my moods/emotions. I never really know how each day will go. And honestly, it's not the outside circumstances that effect me the most, but my own female'ness and selfishness. I wake up each morning asking myself, "will today be good or bad?"

Last week was bad. I'm sure it was female hormones all out of whack, but yikes!! It was rough. And of course, in that moment, I felt like it would never go away. Last week on Wednesday night, while running my hilly-outdoor route, I pleaded with God, reciting my current memory scripture (which seemed to fit perfectly), Psalm 142.

"I cry out to the Lord, I please for the Lord's mercy. I pour out my complaints to him and tell him all my troubles. When I am overwhelmed, you alone know where I should go; where ever I turn my enemies have set traps for me. I look for someone to come help me, but no one will come, no one cares a bit what happens to me. Then I pray to the Lord, I say to him, 'you are my refuge. You are all I really want in life.' Hear my cry, for I am very low; rescue me from my enemies for they are too strong for me. Bring me out of prison so I can thank you. The godly will crowd around, for you are good to me."

Tonight, as I trudged along, wondering if the sky would release rain, hail or stay calm, I recited this passage, realizing how it didn't seem to fit any more. It seemed that only the last couple lines applied, "...thank you ...for you are good to me." In some ways, I'm thankful for last week because it really helped me understand the mood of this passage so much better. I happened to memorize the final verse, which seemed perfect, on that day.

My mood today could not be more opposite than last week (some months are worse than others, this month seemed like the worst ever). Tonight I was thankful! I ran with a thankful spirit and just thought about life, my pleasure in my current circumstances, excitement about upcoming events, and my joy in having the horrible depressing mood pass so quickly.

Here are some of the things I'm currently thankful for:
- Someone I haven't seen much in a while is coming to visit
- Mark is the most wonderful man I have ever known! And I get to see him every day!
- I get to hangout with some of my favorite people (students) on Friday night and I'm UBER excited!
- My nails look cute with pink nail polish ;)
- Mark and I both have amazingly great parents
- Mark bought ingredients for Philly cheesesteak sandwiches for dinner, that just sounded yummy
- And I'm just really super thankful that my horrible mood is over

Half Marathon

Yes, I have been a slacker blogger. I'll confess. I decided 2 things when I started blogging... 1) I would NOT blog when I'm in a bad mood (I tend to say too much of the wrong thing). This was the main reason for the lapse in posts over the past week. 2) I wouldn't blog when it felt like a huge burden. I don't want to dread blogging. The latter has been true this past week as well.

This past weekend we (me and Mark) were up on Whidbey Island at his parent's parent's place for our "parent meeting" (my parents drove out Friday night from Montana) and a half marathon. It was excellent!! The parents all seemed to get along perfectly! We couldn't really come up with any way how it could have been better, and that was nice.

Here are some pictures.






Mark and his dad (in back) walked the half marathon. I was SO proud of them! Mom, Trisha, me and Kate (a friend/co-worker of Trisha's) ran the half marathon.

Mom and I definitely ran our personal bests at the half, beating our previous time by over 10 minutes!! I ran it in about 2:23 and mom did 2:24. We were thrilled with those figures!!!

This picture is of Christina (my sister), mom, Mark, me and Dad at Deception Pass in Oak Harbor. Very beautiful!

Saturday breakfast ordeal

Saturday morning... I stopped at Mark's for breakfast after running with Trisha. It was about 10am. Mark had already gone to the store for some supplemental breakfast supplies since we'd had breakfast together one other day that week.

As a super wonderful man, Mark offered to make breakfast while I relaxed and watched tv. After struggling through a pretty weak run, I took him up on the offer and nursed a class of chocolate milk (my new favorite) while laying on the couch watching Seinfeld episodes on DVD.

Mark started on the hash browns, putting them in a pan while adding bacon to a different pan to cook. The bacon crackled and the hash browns sat there, as would be normal, and cooked s l o w l y. Mark came and checked on me and I further distracted him with several kisses (my thank you for making breakfast).

Upon returning to the kitchen, he shouted with mild frustrated at the appearance of almost-burned bacon. I came to check. It was salvageable. We removed the bacon and I returned to the couch and Mark started on the eggs (keeping an eye on the hash browns). He also threw an English muffin in the toaster.

Not long after, I hear more raucous from the kitchen as the breakfast adventure continues. The hash browns aren't cooking fast enough, the eggs would be ready too soon and with the distraction, the English muffin starts smoking in the toaster. By this time, I'm up from the couch and attempting to console Mark that breakfast is not ruined. The eggs will be fine and I don't care if the yokes are runny or not (I can't make runny yokes no matter how hard I try).

The smoke alarm starts going off.

We open the windows, remove the eggs from the pan and add some of the not-done hash browns to the egg/bacon pan to try and get them to cook faster. I did that task and started losing hash browns to the counter, stove, and floor (I'm not the cleanest in the kitchen). The English muffins came out perfect.

By the time the hash browns were finally finished, both smoke alarms were going off. The eggs were cooled and mostly not-runny, the bacon was still a little dark, the English muffins were perfect, and the kitchen was a mess. And breakfast was wonderful!! It tasted great and it was so nice of Mark to make breakfast for me and we enjoyed eating it. He even cleaned!! What a great guy ;)

Update-O-Rama and Good Friday Service

Well, I've been terribly delinquent at blogging. I guess I could use the excuse of still trying to get back into the swing of life after my long vacation, but I'm not sure how long I can pull that off ;) Although it worked very well as an excuse to skip my workout last Monday night.

So, my re-entry process is probably mostly complete. Last weekend was my slacker time. Other than church, a short run at the gym on Saturday morning and a longer run with my running partner on Sunday, I just spent my time enjoying Mark's company! Although I enjoy his company all the time, but last weekend was pretty special since we'd been apart for a while.

The week itself went well. By Wednesday, I was starting to feel more in the swing of things and was surprised when I realized I had only been home a week, felt longer. I also thought it was fun to be able to appreciate everything in my life for the high value it actually holds. I think that before I left I wasn't valuing the things in my life very well. Being away made me appreciate every piece of it! Even though elements I previously struggled with.

I didn't report this earlier, but while on my trip I spent very little focused time with God. I was surprised it ended up like that so was glad to resume my Starbucks lunches with God during this week. (Except for Friday when I went to the mall and bought a great new purse, on sale! I think God was cool with that thought :) I'm also back to memorizing scripture (currently Psalm 142) and because of the extensive journaling I did while on my trip, have discovered I've been in the mood to journal more than I was before I left.

Last night Mark and I went with Barb to the Good Friday service at Sunset. It was actually better than I thought it would be. We had planned to go all week, but as I sat there last night before the service started I wondered if I would just be bored for an hour (yes, I'm ashamed to say I did actually have this thought). But, I was pleasantly surprised when pretty much every section of the 7 "Word" service (it was on the 7 phrases Jesus said while on the cross) was actually very insightful and I came away feeling like Jesus was/is actually more human and like me than I had previously thought. I was also delighted to get a great explanation of what he said to Mary while he was on the cross. I had thought that he was being rather insensitive and it must have hurt Mary's feelings to have her son call her 'woman' but as Steve Halliday explained, it was actually exactly the opposite. Even in his greatest moment of suffering, he thought of wanting to take care of her! It was the illustration that reinforced how God/Jesus is never too busy for us or doesn't have time (even if it feels like he's not listening). He actually thought about us in his greatest moment of suffering!

One of my other favorite things from last night was when they said Jesus mentioned being thirsty. This was called the word of 'Need'. In other words, just like us, he was expressing a physical need that he felt. This was explained as Jesus setting the stage for us to express our needs, no matter how mundane or small we may think they are in God's eyes. Jesus DOES care about them. I have been praying for something lately that I felt almost ashamed to pray about (but have anyway) and thought that God probably hasn't cared but I was praying it more because it says that if we ask something, it will be given to us (if it's within God's will for our lives). And I figure that it never hurts to ask. I came away feeling that it was 'okay' for me to ask and not only was it okay but that Jesus/God really does care about that for me. It was cool!

After the service, the 3 of us went to dinner at Chili's (it was a previous semi-regular tradition of Barb's and mine and we have invited Mark to join us since he's been in our lives). We had a great talk about the service and other life stuff. Barb blogged some of her thoughts, which you should check out.

Happy Easter!