Wednesday insecurities

I seemed to have taken a cue from the writer of Psalm 142 and hit battled the desire for a pity part today. It was actually some feels that started last night (why, I have no idea, pms?).

Normally my system reboots each night but occasionally it doesn't reboot all the way and any bugs from the previous day remain. So today started a little lower than I hoped. For the most part, I forgot about it during work, but the insecure bugs kept flying through my brain all day. It was like a scrolling marque in my head.

You are not worth anything.

Your investment in ministry over the past 4 years hasn't contributed anything.

Every other woman on this planet is prettier than you.

Every other woman on this planet is in better shape than you are.

God doesn't love you because you aren't perfect.

People don't like you.

These were just a few of the messages my heart was pleading with my head not to believe. 'Truth' was fighting 'feeling' in my soul today. 'Feeling' won a few battles, but it's evident that 'truth' will win the wore. But much blood is being shed in the process. It's not over. But I'm hopeful that tomorrow will be better.


On the flip side, 7 days from right now I will be in the air, about 4.5 hours away from landing in Germany. I'll be trying to sleep but seeing as it will only be 8:30pm 'mybody' time, I'm not sure that will work out.

I'm excited to have all my monies in order for when I'm gone. I just purchased 1million in traveller's insurance (which a high deductible it was only $17, pays to be young!). I just submitted my taxes and payment (will check back to make sure it processed).